Battling the Darkness: Living with Depression

Robin William's suicide devastated America. We will miss this talented and gifted man. His suicide has raised awareness, sparked conversation, and opened doors for others to make phone calls to help lines.  Many of us have no idea how depression leads to such a place.

We do understand depression can be the result of a chemical imbalance. That alone is difficult to battle, but what happens when depression occurs from a direct result of our thought process, daily struggles, difficult battles in relationships, addictions, and so on?

Though not every person who struggles with depression is facing a spiritual battle - and I'm not one who believes that every bad thing that happens to us is from the devil - I do believe in spiritual attacks. How we battle them, or not, impacts the outcome of our daily walk on this earth.  

For those of you who feel your depression might be a spiritual battle, below are a few things we can do when facing the darkness. 



#1 - Keep Your Strength Up: The enemy attacks when we are weak. Like Ahithopel said to Absalom when trying to fight against David. “I would choose twelve thousand men and set out tonight in pursuit of David. I would attack him while he is weary and weak. (2 Samuel 17:1-3). The enemy understands where we are and will attack us in the midst of our weakness.  

·         Make Sure You Have A Good Support System in Place: It's important to have friends cover you in prayer when you are struggling. In order for those friends to take action, we must also be active in letting others know how we're feeling. When depression takes over we often feel alone. Make sure you keep a log of names and numbers of people you can turn to when you start to feel discouraged and troubled. The problem occurs when we don’t reach out right away. The key is to not allow yourself to fall too far down the black hole before reaching out. Rather than feeling as if you can handle it, can you reach out to someone when your depression starts?

·         Stay in God’s Word: We gain strength in our mind and soul when we come to understand what the scriptures tell us. It’s difficult to battle the enemy if we don’t understand how he might try to deceive us. Jesus battled the enemy by speaking God’s word. The enemy will try to scar us and instill doubts and darkness into our life. The only way to battle against that is to speak a truth of what God’s word says. God says you are valuable, you do matter, you are loved, you are good, and you do have people who care about you. The enemy will have you believe those are lies. Battle the enemy with a truth.

#2 - Be Alert and of Sober Mind: Why? Because “Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8) It’s easy to let ourselves go – physically, emotionally, and yes spiritually. There are four areas of our life we need to keep working on to make sure we’re healthy: Relationships, Body, Spirit, and Mind. Unfortunately, many of us work really hard on one or two areas and forget about the rest. To conquer and master all four areas is a difficult task and something we cannot do alone. It takes God walking with us, the Holy Spirit pointing out those areas, and our “want to” to make it work.

But if we are to become alert and clearheaded (of sober mind), then we need to step back and look at the areas in our life that need our attention: 

• Assess - Asses where you are.
• Action - It's not enough to say, "Hey I'm feeling really crummy right now" We need to take action - move - step - tell someone.
• Alleviate - Lighten your load by taking your medication, seeing a therapist, seeking pastoral counseling, joining a support group, getting involved in a Bible study, attending Celebrate Recovery (which is a great way to have accountability, support, and others facing the same issues as you), and so much more.  

Below is a great site about depression. Praying for you and together we can make a difference. You never have to step alone.

Where Are You Looking For Help?

A Van from God

Carolyn Counterman’s world turned upside down by her family members’ problems, as well as her own. She had had to resign from her job because she couldn't work and deal with post-traumatic stress disorder at the same time. She says, “We thought God would surely get us through—but then the family fell apart. My son went to prison. My daughter-in-law lost custody of the kids because of her drug use, and because she had covered up my son’s crime.”

Carolyn and her husband suddenly had four grand-kids living with them. They wondered how they were going to feed, clothe, and transport the children to appointments and church.

“We didn't mind asking God for food. We even asked Him for clothes, though it made me a little uncomfortable,” Carolyn says. ”But when a woman suggested to me that we pray for a van, I balked. Sure, we were having to take two cars everywhere we went with the kids, and it was an inconvenience. However, I had been taught as a youngster not to ask God for material things. We had three cars already. One of them was not paid for, and another needed repairs, but we had them. This woman was insistent, though, that we pray for a van.”

The couple didn't have anything to lose by asking, so they prayed for a van: “It wouldn't hurt our feelings if God said no, because we never expected Him to say yes.”

Then things got worse. Carolyn’s father, who lived with them, began to have major problems with his car, so he borrowed their slightly broken car. Without her husband’s income, Carolyn’s daughter-in-law lost her van because she couldn't pay for it. So her in-laws lent her another of their cars. Says Carolyn, “We were down to one unpaid-for car—and sharing a broken car with my dad. Then the call came, while I was standing in the middle of Wal-Mart looking at socks. Some old friends had seen me joke on Facebook about needing a van. They wanted to know if anyone had solved my transportation problem. I said no.”

The friends told Carolyn they wanted to buy her a van. She was floored. “They apologized—actually apologized—that it was not new and not the model I wanted!” she says.

Her friends bought the family a van, paying the tax, title, and license fees. They transferred it into Carolyn’s name and handed her the key.

She says, “God had said ‘Yes!’ when I expected Him to say no. With our family so messed up, I expected God to be displeased with us, but He decided to bless us instead. He gave our friends a heart for our family and the money to buy a van. I know that God is not short on cash, but I still get surprised when He spends it on me.”

Excerpt from Wounded Women of the Bible: Finding Hope When Life Hurts

Written by: Dena Dyer & Tina Samples

This excerpt was written by Dena Dyer

Women Who Abuse: Break the Cycle

We’ve come to a place in today’s society where we no longer tolerate women living in abusive relationships with men. There are countless shelters for women, counseling centers, and help for the abused woman. But what about men living in abusive relationships? How do men break the cycle of abuse from their partner? 

The world is filled with men who live in abusive relationships, yet never report it. We can understand how a man may feel embarrassed and ashamed of that.

“The charity's analysis of statistics on domestic violence shows the number of men attacked by wives or girlfriends is much higher than thought. Its report, Domestic Violence: The Male Perspective, states: "Domestic violence is often seen as a female victim/male perpetrator problem, but the evidence demonstrates that this is a false picture."

Data from Home Office statistical bulletins and the British Crime Survey show that men made up about 40% of domestic violence victims each year between 2004-05 and 2008-09

The 2008-09 bulletin states: "More than one in four women (28%) and around one in six men (16%) had experienced domestic abuse since the age of 16. These figures are equivalent to an estimated 4.5 million female victims of domestic abuse and 2.6 million male victims."

Men in abusive relationships dates back farther than we imagine. We’ve all heard of Jezebel and even used her name to describe women in today’s world. Ahab married Jezebel, a controlling, powerful, and abusive woman.

Jezebel was the dominant force in their marriage. The moment Ahab stepped into that relationship, he succumbed to the queen's authority. Any religious boundaries Ahab had went out the door when he submitted to Jezebel and began worshipping her false idols.

Not only did his submission cause him to worship her gods but he set up “an altar for Baal in the temple of Baal that he built in Samaria.  Ahab also made an Asherah pole and did more to arouse the anger of the Lord, the God of Israel, than did all the kings of Israel before him.” (I Kings 16:31-32 NIV)

If anyone asked, “Ahab, why did you set up those false gods and turn to worshipping them?” He may have answered, “Because Jezebel wanted it.; because Jezebel said to do it.” Ahab wasn’t a dominant figure, but had a more passive personality when it came to his relationship with Jezebel.

Abusive women use strong tactics to manipulate and intimidate their victim. “Manipulators need to advance their own purposes and their own gain, even at virtually any cost to others. They need to attain feelings of power, and superiority in relationships with others and need to feel in control.”

Later on we see Elijah, the Lord’s prophet, confront Ahab and tell him that a famine was coming and no rain would fall. This was God’s way of trying to get Ahab’s attention. During the famine, Jezebel turned to murder and began killing off the Lord’s prophets. (I Kings 18:4)

Again we see Jezebel’s dominance rise in the relationship as she tries to control the situation through murder. Nowhere in scripture do we find Ahab giving the order to kill God’s prophets. We also see in scripture that Ahab does nothing to intervene. Ahab becomes passive and allows Jezebel to carry out her angry mission. Does this sound familiar? If the roles were reversed could we see it?

Women in abusive relationships often submit to their spouse’s criminal behavior. Due to fear and intimidation of the abuser, they choose not to intervene. The same could be said of men in abusive relationships. In order to keep the peace, they submit, walk on egg shells, release any rights they may have in the relationship, have a difficult time standing up for what's right, lose their ability to speak truth into their partner, justify the wrong as being okay with them (even though it's not), and work hard to please their partner by doing whatever she asks.

“Many abused men believe it is their fault or feel they deserve the treatment they receive. They assume blame for events that other people would not. They feel responsible and have an unrealistic belief that they can and should do something that will make things better.”

A female’s verbal abuse can be just as powerful as any man’s abuse toward a woman. Abusive women attack a man’s character, his ability to perform as head of the house, as a father, or provider.

“Women who are abusive toward men usually have unrealistic expectations and make unrealistic demands of men. These women will typically experience repeated episodes of depression, anxiety, frustration and irritability which they attribute to a man’s behavior. In fact, their mental and emotional state is the result of their own insecurities, emotional problems, and trauma during childhood. They blame men rather than admit their problems, take responsibility for how they live their lives or do something about how they make themselves miserable. They refuse to enter treatment. Instead of helping themselves, they blame a man for how they feel and believe that a man should do something to make them feel better.

During one of Ahab’s pitiful moments, Jezebel, his wife, said, “Is this how you act as king over Israel?” Such phrases have been said from abusive women in today’s world, “Is this how you act as a man? Is this how you act as the leader of our home?” An abusive woman may demand the man in her life to step up, but then she sabotages his ability to do so (unrealistic expectations, hurtful acts, lack of ability to share in responsibilities, lack of respect for any authority he may try to assert, and so on).

Jezebel’s abusive personality came through her incredible ability to intimidate. Elijah, who just had the power to stand in front of all of Israel, call on the name of God to come forth, and slay all of Jezebel’s prophets, could not stand against Jezebel’s intimidation.(I Kings 19)

 This passage gives us a clear view of the control Jezebel had over others, including Ahab. After Elijah destroyed the false prophets, Ahab ran all the way home and told on Elijah. What was really going on in Ahab’s mind when he did that? “I didn’t do it? I had nothing to do with it? Victims fall into that trap. They can align with the abuser just to feel affirmed and to receive some kind of attention from them.

“Knowing that the victim wants love or approval, (emotional) blackmailers threaten to withhold it or take it away altogether, or make the victim feel they must earn it. If the victim believes the blackmailer, he/she could fall into a pattern of letting the blackmailer control his/her decisions and behavior. Emotional blackmailers use fear, obligation, and guilt in their relationships, ensuring that the victim feels afraid to cross them, obligated to give them their way and feeling guilty if they don’t.”

When Jezebel heard what Elijah did, she swore to do to him what he had done to her prophets. Elijah was so intimidated by her words that he ran for his life. Elijah understood Jezebel's dominant personality and took the threat serious. Not only did Elijah run for his life, but despaired! Her abuse led him right to the desert and under a broom tree crying out to God to take his life. Now that is intimidation. Elijah was a strong mountain man, prophet of the most High King, and one who understood God’s power. But this picture gives us a clear picture of the strength and personality of an abusive woman, as well as the effect it can have on a man.

The good news is, God came along and saved Elijah. God fed, strengthened, and breathed new life into his scared soul. God also showed Elijah that he was not alone. God will do the same for the abused man in today's world.

If you know of someone in an abusive relationship, encourage them to get help. Pray for those women and men hurting in abusive relationships.

 

 

Egg on My Face

While finishing up some last minute touches on a blog post, I heard a loud sound blast through the house. My husband and I were upstairs when a large “Boom!” shot through the ceiling.

“What was that?” I asked rushing from my office. I would not have been surprised to find Gavin, our dog, into something. I ran down the stairs and my husband followed. Gavin looked suspicious and guilty - as if he had done something wrong. I turned the corner to the kitchen, my eyes still peering at the dog. He took his nose and thrust it toward the stove.

I rotated toward the stove and realized I made a huge mistake. I got so wrapped up in my writing that I completely forgot about the pot of eggs on the stove. The eggs had been cooking so long, the water evaporated and caused one to explode!  Yes – the explosion sounded like a shotgun going off.

In my effort to fix things, I grabbed the hot pan and tossed it into the sink. And I can’t describe what came next. Those of you who have foolishly done the same are laughing in your boots as I write. I turned the faucet on and allowed the cold water to hit the steaming hot eggs.

You guessed it. One of the eggs immediately exploded sending shrapnel of egg flying through the air. If it had been a gun it would have killed me. The egg busted wide open hitting me square in the face. The sound scared me more than anything else, but I won’t deny it was hot.

My heart leaped and I stood dumbfounded. I was in shock. There I was, covered in egg and tears. My husband looked at me. I thought, “Any minute he is going to grab hold of me and help clean me up.”

With his caring, loving, and humorous self, he simply said, “You have egg on your face.”

At that moment, laughter bust through our distressed situation. I’m still laughing about it. I think there’s even remnants of egg in my hair as I write.

According to World Wide Words, the phrase, “egg on your face” “often implies that you have made a serious mistake, but more strictly it indicates that something you have done (or some turn of events) has left you looking embarrassed or foolish.”

Well, my husband was right. I did have egg on my face.

When you end up with egg on your face – laugh it off. It’s okay. The good news is, we can wash away the physical stains while God takes care of the inward stains. Tomorrow is another day filled with – well – hopefully – not so many eggs.

 

 

Get Up

Ah – a chance to begin again. Each year brings reflection, new resolutions, bucket lists, and more. We often start our year with good intentions, but for so many of us, eventually tire, lose interest, or give up. How about you? What does this New Year look like for you?

One thing I’m consistent about is reading the Bible through every year. I use The One Year Bible while my husband reads The Two Year Bible. My Bible is now worn and tattered, so much that I needed to get another one. However, it’s not the same. I don’t have my scribbles or dates to the side. I miss my underlined passages. I’m missing my notes, circled words of affirmation, and bold promises

Perhaps this is a year like that for you; a year of blank canvases and starting over. When it comes to healing, sometimes we need a blank slate. One with no mess ups, no unworthy comments, and no bold words we allow to define us.

If this is the year you vow to find healing, don't allow the following excuses to hinder your journey or keep you from moving forward:

• I'm okay. I don't need help. I'm not wounded. (denial)
• The secret needs to stay a secret. (shame)
• It would hurt others if they found out. (Taking responsibility for others)
• I can't be helped. (hopelessness)
• No one can know about my wound. (pride)
• I'll start working on it tomorrow. (procrastination)
• It’s not my issue. (blame)
• I can handle this by myself. (stubborn will)
• God doesn't care about me. (Feeling abandoned)
  If anything, take into the New Year two words the Lord boldly proclaimed in the midst of healing: GET UP!
  Get Up! Eat
  When Elijah fell hopeless under a broom tree, God sent an angel to his aid. The angel said, “Get up and eat.”  (1 Kings 19:5 NIV)
  This year, feed on God’s Word and all things good and healthy.
  Get Up! Call on the Name of the Lord
  “And now what are you waiting for? Get up, be baptized and wash your sins away, calling on his name.'” (Acts 22:16 NIV)
  This year, make it a point to call out to Jesus for salvation, in every situation, and for every hurtful wound. He will not fail you.
  Get Up! Though Crippled and Immobile
  “Then he said to the paralytic, ‘Get up, take your mat and go home.’" (Matt 9:6 NI
  Wounds, heartaches, loss, and unfortunate circumstances can leave us paralyzed, stuck in a rut, and immobile. But Jesus doesn’t want us to live in a paralyzed state of mind or situation. Jesus said to the paralyzed man, “Get up, take your mat and go home.” (Matt 9:6 NIV). If you’ve been camped out in an unhealthy place far too long, it might be time to get up, take your mat, and go home. God will welcome you with open arms.
  Get Up! Without Fear
  “But Jesus came and touched them. “Get up," he said. "Don't be afraid." (Matt 17:7 NIV)
  Fear keeps us from stepping toward our goals, passions, and callings. Fear stamps words like unworthy, not good enough, and lack of talent on our chests. Fear is a human emotion. God desires to help us move forward into our callings - without fear.
  Get Up! Though Shackled
  "Quick, get up!" he said, and the chains fell off Peter's wrists.” (Acts 12:7 NIV)
  We feel shackled due to addictions, wounds, buried secrets, abuse, dysfunction in our homes, struggling marriages, wayward children, and jobs we hate.  As soon as Peter stood up in Jesus’ name, the shackles fell off. Only God can give us the strength to endure daily hurts and struggles. Stand up in Jesus’ name and take the necessary steps toward healing and freedom.
  Get Up! Servant of God
  "'Now get up and stand on your feet. I have appeared to you to appoint you as a servant and as a witness of what you have seen of me and what I will show you.”  (Acts 26:16 NIV)
  This year, step onto your platform and into your servanthood. Strive to become the servant God has called you to be. Share His Word, miracles, and working wonders. May this New Year bring hope, healing, and amazing changes to your life.
  Get Up and Live
  And somewhere along the road we lose our zest for living a joyous life. We become numb, go through the motions, and simply take up space. We feel empty on the inside. After searching for happiness in other ways and never finding it, we eventually give up.  But Jesus wants to say to us, “Talitha koum!” (which means “Little girl, I say to you, get up!”). Mark 5:41 NIV. The girl died but when Jesus spoke those words over her, she immediately stood up and began to walk around. Those two simple words, and God’s healing power behind them, brought life back into someone whose life was dead. Allow God to bring joy and life back into your heart.

3 Ways to Make the Best of Your Holiday Season: According to Scripture

1.    Serve

“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.” (Galatians 5:13)

The holiday season can become all about self-gratification, self-seeking, and self-indulgence. One way to get through the hardships of limited funding for Christmas, unruly relatives, and disappointed children - is to serve. Something magical happens when we take our eyes off ourselves and serve others. Suddenly our desires take a different direction. Serving softens the hardened heart, creates special memories with our children, and satisfies the crevices of our wanting hearts. And yes there will be those ungrateful bodies who continue to think of only themselves in the midst of your serving – but serve anyway. When we serve it is not about getting . . .  but giving.

 

2.    Wrap It

“The Lord wraps himself in light as with a garment;” (Psalm 104:2)

Whatever you choose to give this season – wrap it as the Lord wraps. The Lord wraps himself in light. Imagine the vibrant glow of God’s light busting forward. The price of your gifts don’t need to be extreme. They should radiate a reflection of your love, care, and light. When you wrap the warmth of your love and light around that special gift, it will shine brighter than any high priced item you’ve ever given. This season put thought into your gifts and wrap it as the Lord wraps – and receive as God receives.  

 

3.    Find Rest

 

“Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.”(Psalm 62:5-6)

The holiday season is not always celebrative. Others are facing difficult times and memories of loss. Some feel despaired and hopeless during the holiday season. Whatever you are facing this year – find rest. When we find those moments to sit beneath the wings of God, He will refresh our souls. God leads us through our despairing moments and gives hope to the hopeless. The season doesn't have to be filled with chaos and turmoil. Sit. Take in a deep breath. Allow God to breath over you. Think of Him and nothing else. He will meet you where you are and provide a way for you to step through anything you might be facing.

 

 

What Color Are You Today?

When you hear the word “yellow” - what thoughts immediately come to mind? When I hear the word yellow, I immediately think of the sun. Is it really yellow? I think of creation; wild flowers adorning the sides of the mountains or nestled next to that glistening lake. I think of goldfish, marigolds, and buttercups.













We all have our expressions of what yellow means to us. Some may interpret it as being busy or responsible.

Some may view its meaning as bright and sunny.  






Others may use it in a negative way and interpret it as someone being cowardly, sickly, or aged.



The only time yellow is mentioned in the Bible is to describe a "defiling skin disease on the head or chin." (Leviticus 13) If the sore has yellow hair in it, then you probably have the disease.

In the past, calling someone yellow, was degrading and devaluing to the person, and to the color of their skin.

I’m not sure why I’m so focused on the word, as well as the color, today but perhaps it has to do with a journey I took.  Not long ago, I took a drive through the mountains. Along the way, something popped out at me - - - yellow. I noticed so much yellow.

God crafted Colorado to have so much beauty and so much of it in the color of yellow – there must be something to that. I’m sure biologist, environmentalists, and scientists all have their opinions- but for me . . . I just love that God used yellow in His creation.  

Whatever color you are feeling today – take time to stop and reflect on God’s colors. It is well worth the journey.

What Colors Do You See?

 

Stumbling in the Race?

Remember the dreaded cone used to keep Gavin safe for a time?





We always knew the day would come when he would be able to run free once more . . .

"I run in the path of your commands, for you have broadened my understanding." Psalm 119: 32

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize."
1 Corinthians 9:24

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us . . ." Hebrews 12:1

May Your Journey Be Filled With Great Races!

Big Dogs Battle it Out

It has not been easy having our dog. He is still a puppy and not quite one year old, I still have trouble remembering that because of his size.  If we had to, we could quickly list the things in our own lives that cause us pain or displeasure. Gavin is much the same - though he cannot speak in our language he does let us know his dislikes.

He does not like to be brushed or to have his ears cleaned or touched in a serious way. He does not like to sit still in the house - he prefers to play - all day long. He does not like staying outside though he is a big dog - he thinks he's small. He does not like to walk correctly on a leash. Though he loves to walk, it is really more like running from fire hydrant to fire hydrant while he pulls us behind.

He does not like it when we vacuum the floor or mow the yard. He growls and barks loudly and furiously which ultimately leads to his attacking the machines. He has a sock fetish and we spend much of our time chasing him around the house to get them back. He does not like to sleep in his kennel or to be placed there during dinner. His whining sounds like someone crying. And above all - he does not like having his toenails trimmed.

The other day we left him at the dog groomers so she could clean him up, brush him out, and trim his nails. Of course she could not get close to his ears or his toenails because he growled at her. A few days later I asked my husband if he would like to come with me to the dog groomers again so we could hold him while the groomer clipped his nails. I have to say that I honestly thought it was a good idea. I had done it before by myself with the groomers and Gavin did just fine.

However - on this occasion you would have thought that World War III broke out! Gavin growled, jumped, pawed, and jerked. My husband held firm with all his strength and then complained that I wasn't holding firm enough. After several tries - my husband became more and more angry over the dog and the dog fought back just as hard. At one point Gavin became so aggressive that everything came to a halt! My husband was furious! And for good reason! Three women stood in front of him and looked at his battle scars - my husband's not the dog's. It was a apparent that the two of them had really gone 'round and 'round - only to find that Gavin came out on top.

It was one of those moments where I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I wanted to cry because my husband was so upset but I also wanted to laugh. I was truly torn! As I looked at my husband's battle scars I saw scratches on his arm where the toenails that needed to be clipped scratched him. And then we saw it- for the life of me I have no idea how it happened. Somehow Gavin found a way to rip my husband's shorts right down the middle - leaving him completely exposed! Everyone could see the color of his boxers! No one understood how it happened! It looked as if someone had taken a pair of scissors and cut right up the leg. My heart sank at the sight of him and yet my stomach rumbled with giggles trying to surface. What was I to do?

After one more try the toenails were finally clipped and we made our way home. I trailed several feet behind and watched two extremely tired guys - one panting and tongue hanging out while the other held tight to the leash with one hand and his shorts with the other.

All I could do was shake my head - allow the giggles to burst forth - and say, "What a journey Lord - what  a journey."

Sometimes our journeys will look like that. We will face those difficult battles. And sometimes it will feel as if we have been torn to shreds. Sometimes our emotions will rise up. But in the end we will walk away - whether laughing or crying - and we will hopefully have  survived to tell the tail and live another day.

"Sovereign LORD, my strong deliverer, you shield my head in the day of battle."  - - - Psalm 140:6-8