A Journey of Love

“Greater love has no one than this that he lay down his life for his
friends. ”John 15:13


“Katie,” “Please hold your head up,” I said while walking her back to her classroom. I looked to find Katie’s eyes to the floor and her fingers spinning the invisible web. Katie’s head clung to the floor and I wondered how she could find her way anywhere around the school. Most of the time her eyes would be closed – it was her way of keeping everything out.

She was a sweet elementary student of mine that I enjoyed very much. Katie was diagnosed with severe autism along with other developmental delays. Her vocabulary was very limited and she needed a large amount of prompting to engage in any activities. In fact, Katie needed a great deal of prompting just to answer a question or to speak any words at all. Although her sentences consisted of one-word utterances, the bond between us, spoke a language of its own; a language that only she and I understood.

After a few moments of silence, I felt Katie slip her hand gently into mine. Her hand was warm to the touch and very relaxed which rarely ever happened. She was usually extremely tactile defensive. (Meaning she did not want or like to be touched)

At that moment I heard, “Miss Tina?”

I turned with her hand in mine and responded, “Yes?”

With her head still hanging down she said, “Do you love me too much?”

I turned in amazement to focus on one of the most beautiful complete sentences I have ever heard. For Katie to speak a complete sentence was indeed a miracle that did not happen very often. She suddenly lifted her head somewhat to make eye contact with me and I watched once again, astonished as the curve of her lips curled ever so slightly. I will never forget that smile or that moment.

I seemed to understand what Katie meant by that sentence. Not do you love me too much, but do you love me very much! I smiled back as my heart bubbled, “Yes Katie, I love you too much!” I wanted to grab hold of her and give her a big hug, but I knew that in Katie’s case a gentle more subtle hug would mean the same.

On the way home that day I reflected on Katie and those words. I thought of how little she knew and appeared to understand compared to most students. I thought of those few simple words that flowed from her tongue and how even to her they had meaning.

My thoughts moved to our comparison to God. We know so little and appear to understand so little compared to our heavenly Father, yet we can still find and comprehend love . . . just like Katie.

I love the passages in Job where God truly represents how great and powerful He is. He says to Job, “Can you raise your voice to the clouds and cover yourself with a flood of water? Do you send the lightening bolts on their way? Do they report to you? Who has the wisdom to count the clouds? Who endowed the heart with wisdom or gave understanding to the mind?”

“Who gave understanding to the mind?” I thought again reflecting back on Katie. I imagined that Katie could not express half as much as she really knew. She was brighter than anyone imagined.

There is so much more in the Bible that expresses how powerful and wise God is - and with all that power God gave us the ability. . . .to love. That in itself is power, that in itself is strength, and that in itself is amazing.

When does it happen? When is the heart so touched that with every beat it produces passion, desire, patience, kindness, and selflessness? When does love begin to take over so much that we would lay down our life for another? To love as Christ truly loved we could never do or understand. We can read about His love, study it, and try to follow it, but in my own heart I feel we have just touched the surface of how deep His love really is. One thing we can do is to strive to have that love for one another – that is something we can move forward in learning and doing. The only way to do that is through Christ. It is only through His love that we can love to begin with. It is only through His love that we love when we don't feel like it. It is only through His love that we can love those we hate. Christ gives us the ability to love. Christ’s love is indeed immeasurable but not untouchable.

To love as Katie does, I could never understand, for she has her own way of doing so. I may not be able to measure her love but I learned that day that her love was not untouchable.

I continued to drive quietly home reflecting on God and His greatness when I found myself asking, “Lord, do you love me too much?”

The Lord seemed to understand what I meant. Like a warm blanket covers a child suddenly I hear a whisper, “Yes, Tina, I love you too much!”