Excerpt:
I recently spoke with a friend and listened to her share about having ovarian cancer. She went into surgery understanding that the doctors were going to remove everything she would need to conceive a child. At the age of twenty-one, ten months before her wedding day, Kara faced the pain of becoming barren. That’s enough to cause anyone to become angry with God. But during the surgery, something miraculous happened. The doctors realized they could possibly save one of her ovaries. They made their way to the waiting room and consulted with her future husband. His emotions carried him to a place he really didn’t want to go.
Kara is an amazing woman, like so many others who face the same issue. Some women may feel guilty and ashamed for becoming angry at God. He understands your heart, though He doesn’t want you to stay sunken in bitterness
The Rest of the Story:
Kara, thank you for sharing with us today. You receive the news you have cancer. What was that moment like for you and your family?
I feel like it happened all at once, quickly and it's almost like a blur in my mind when I think back on it. Derek and I had been engaged for just two weeks and I was only 21. Here I was, planning, excited for a wedding, looking towards finishing college, starting a whole new journey as a wife, eventually having a family, and then all of a sudden, everything, EVERYTHING, was completely halted to a stop.
In all honesty, I think I was in a state of shock. I didn't cry, I wasn't afraid, I just was. I was following instructions, going to appointments, and trying to figure out the details of putting my life on hold during a time when no one really knew what was going to happen. I think it was much harder for my family to take in the diagnosis. I didn't really consider the option of death as a result of having cancer but later I learned that those fears were all a part of what my fiancé, parents and best friend were considering. I believe that God covered me in a thick warm blanket of peace and protected me through the whole process.
Did you know when you went into surgery they may have to remove your ovaries and uterus?
The oncologist told us that I would most likely have a complete hysterectomy and that she would need to remove everything. She was preparing us for the worst.
What did the doctor tell you about being able to have children after the cancer was removed?
My doctor told us that because she had managed to save one ovary that I could still conceive, however, my chances were greatly decreased and there was no way to know if it would ever happen. Additionally, she warned that although the cancer was removed, I would most likely need to have a complete hysterectomy in 5 years to reduce my chances of going into remission, so if I didn't get pregnant in a short time frame, I wouldn't ever. Needless to say, this drastically changed our future as our focus would be starting a family as soon as possible. We were married nine months later and then I found out I was pregnant just nine months after that.
How did you feel knowing you may never be able to have children?
There wasn't much time between diagnosis, the news of having to remove my ovaries and uterus and then the surgery itself. I didn't have much time to process the reality of what it all meant. After all, I was not the type of girl who, while growing up, planned out my family life or dreamed of having 2 boys, a girl, a dog and a cute little house with the picket fence. And yet, I lived my life assuming that I would grow up, get married and then have children. I think the most disturbing part was finding out that I was not in control. I had absolutely no control of my future. What I wanted didn't matter because it wasn't going to change anything. That was really hard to digest.
So here you are, waking up from the surgery - at what point does someone tell you the news of what happened?
After having a hard recovery, my doctor and my fiancé came in to tell me that she was able to save one of my ovaries and since the tumor hadn't attached to my uterus, that too was saved.
They were able to save one of your ovaries and uterus, but the doctor gives little hope to ever having children. How did that impact you as young bride to be?
I think at this point, I really started to feel the weight of what had just happened. I began to realize that I might never know what it feels like to be pregnant, to give birth, to raise a child that would look like me and be my own. I started to think about how this would forever affect my soon to be husband and how he too, would never have a son or daughter of his own. I was sad and hurt but also knew that my God was in control. I had hope that if he was mighty enough to protect my uterus from cancer and gave me a gifted oncologist who was skilled enough to carve my healthy ovary out of a mass of sick tissue, then he could also give me a child.
Then one day God gives you a miracle. Tell us about that moment when you found out you were pregnant.
It was exhilarating and scary. I was so excited but at the same time knew that there was still so much at risk.
Were the doctors worried about your pregnancy, carrying the baby full term, or the delivery?
I was considered a high-risk pregnancy and was monitored very closely the whole way through. This included driving 1.5 hrs each way to my doctor in Denver at least once a month and then having, what seemed like, a gazillion ultrasounds. It was a lot of work! But of course, totally worth it.
What was is like when you and your husband faced this baby for the very first time?
I don't think that our experience of delivering and meeting our baby was any different or more special than anyone else who is blessed with a child. We certainly had a lot to be thankful for and it was and indescribable feeling with such intense emotion. Any woman who has given birth to a baby knows the rush of pure love and joy that comes over her in that moment and to this day, I know how blessed I was that I got to experience that. Why did you decide to name him Malachi?
Malachi was a prophet of the Old Testament and his name means, "Messenger of God." We wanted to honor God with our child and establish his foundation. God chose to show his power, control and grace by doing what everyone else thought was impossible. He truly showed my husband and I, as well as those around us, that he can do anything. Our son, Malachi, was the physical embodiment of God's message to us.
The doctors have no idea if you will ever be able to have another child. How do you come to terms with that?
It's not easy. I have to remind myself frequently of how blessed and undeserving I am of the child that God gave me but it's still hard to "be okay" with the fact that I most likely won't have any more. I became pregnant again when Malachi was 3 and it was heartbreaking when we discovered that it was ectopic. At this point, the statistics of my conceiving again, are very, very low. However, seeing as I know, first-hand, that God is capable of whatever he pleases, in the back of my mind, I know it is still a possibility. Some days I am settled in not having another child, some days I struggle. I don't want to take for granted all he has done in my life. Looking beyond myself helps me to re-evaluate.What hope can you offer other women who have had to suffer similar circumstances?
God is in control. Always. I find my peace in knowing that His plan for me is so much grander than I could ever make it without Him. It won't always be easy and it rarely will turn out the way I thought it would but in the end, I know that I will be blessed.
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