I Wait

I sit and wait, eyes narrowed, mind crowded. Days pass, months, time. My thoughts race to scripture but it is pushed out by anxiety, fear, trepidation. The rains fall, seasons change, and yet somehow the light beams, forcing its way through the dark clouds.

I rush to stand beneath the sliver of rays, in the warmth, in the presence.
“Where is my God?” I whisper.  I am but a small spec in the world. “Do you see me?”
I wait.
Like the Israelites I grip concern. In midair I reach out and grasp worry. “Put it down. Do not worry,” I am told.
One day, two, days, and then forty. I look to the mountains but where is my help? Thoughts shroud my patience urging me to move – do something. “Wait upon the Lord,” my mind says.
They built a calf but what can I do? Do I dare? “Where is my leader?” He has left and it feels He is not coming back.
Time slowly passes, sun sets, moon rises. Silence. I listen as the birds sing their songs. They are fed, happy, nourished.
“Just like the birds,” He says.  
“But I’m a fixer,” I say. Heart picks up rhythm, breath flows, mind wonders.
“Be patient,” I hear.
The Israelites tried to fix. I look to my left and to my right – I too search for ways to fix. 
I wait.
“How long must I wait?” I press.  “As long as needed,” He whispers, soft, gentle. 
Morning breaks and dawn awakens the living, breathing, existing. I am one. I reach for my Bible, bold words jump at my heart. “He is coming.” My body stirs, mind opens to the possibility, belief, and wonder.
“Here he comes, leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills.” (Song of Solomon 2:8)
I rise from my seat at the thought. “But when I ask?”
“Wait.”
“I have stirred up one from the north, and he comes— one from the rising sun who calls on my name.” (Isa. 41:25)
“He calls my name.” Job speaks from the depth of his soul, from burning passion and love, as if I needed to hear. I lean in, closer, absorbed.
“Out of the north he comes in golden splendor,”
Yes. Splendor!  
“God comes in awesome majesty.” Heart pounds, anticipation resounds.
“The Almighty . . . is exalted in power;”
Yes. Power!
“In his justice and great righteousness, he does not oppress.” (Job 37:21-23) He comes!
“No, he does not oppress – he delivers, He comes!” I say in agreement – mind focused renewed. He comes!
So I wait.